Two hour lunch break, and it was with my manager so he cant complain ! Bit of shopping, a lot of queueing in banks and shops, and McDonalds. Good way to head into the weekend I reckon !

Why is it that you can have two completely inanimate electronic devices which then become 'temperamental' about if they are going to communicate or not. One sulking and then the other, passing information happily one minute and then refusing to recognise each others existence the next. An interesting reflection of people at times !

New Nokia 9210 to play with. yippee. Oh, did I warn you all that I am actually a geek cunningly disguised in a blonde leggy female exterior ?

New toy to play with at work for the day, good weekend planned, sun is shining, I am happy. And tonight I am seeing my gorgeous man, and I am feeling butterflies in my stomach already ! Rang him up earlier just because I wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice, to hear him sound pleased to hear from me, to hear him tell me he loves me. Pathetic really arent I !

A rude awakening:
"The middle-aged man, who lives in his caravan by the sea, woke upside down inside his home after a neighbouring van had knocked him off his perch. A tornado picked up the neighbouring caravan, which was unoccupied at the time, and flung it effortlessly into the air. " ITN news. 10/08/2001

click here for full story

One last reference to Adrian's ramblings, and only as a indication of agreement and then I promise to not give any more direct responsive banter to him:

Adrian wrote a lot this evening, some of which was about me, and some of that was about my recent "blogging" as he put it. I will admit that I did start this in a direct response to reading his. But not so much as a forum to directly respond to his comments about me, but more as just my own forum in general. Partly to be able to give my side of recent events with adrian, but not as a substitute to contacting him directly, instead as a means to express myself and my own feelings and thoughts. This recent episode involving adrian is as much part of my life as his, and therefore I have as much right to talk about it as him. And I hope that is what I have done, just talk about my own feelings and reactions and side of the story, and not in any way bite back at comments he has said. Like he so rightly said, this is not an open debating forum and I fully agree, it is a matter of personal freedom of speech. I am sure much as I know I shouldnt I will continue to read his daily blogs, and of course if he writes about me it will affect my thoughts and so may influence what I write on here, but I will make sure I try and seperate that and making direct responses.

The man has had more influences on me than I think he realises.

OK, I admit this is actually fairly addictive ! Although I do type fast so these entries do not actually take as long to write as you may think . honest.

I was just re reading my last entry and received a text message and there is someone who is really inside my head at the moment that I have hardly mentioned except for in passing and I want to talk about him. It is of course John. John is the cause of the recent turn of events with adrian, and john is also the cause of a new turn of events in my life. I wasnt sure wether to talk about him on here in case adrian is reading, but then I thought that he was the one saying that the reader makes a choice to read, thats the thing about the net. And this is my forum, so surely I should be open and honest about what I feel, as he has in his ? Is that not what this is about ?

Anyway, I digress .... I just wanted to say that John is definitely now a major part of my life. He is officially my "boyfriend" and I am no longer a single woman. It does feel strange to be calling someone my boyfriend again after 7 months of being single. It also feels strange that this feels so right, and I dont feel myself running a mile like I have done recently at the mention of being someones girlfriend or any implications of that. That is not about whether I like someone or not, but more than that sometimes it just seems to click, and sometimes it doesnt. I am feeling more emotion and involvement in less than 2 weeks for John than I have felt for anyone in a long time. It is good to feel so comftable with someone again, to feel wanted and feel shiver of excitement every time you see them, every time you kiss. I always keep an open mind about the future, but at the moment I am really hoping that John will be part of that future. Time will tell.

Excerpt from www.sevitz.com:
"Driving to work this morning tired as all fuck, some where between West Byfleet and Woking, I had this image barge its way into my head of something that happened at the ball at about 5:30am. I didn't expect this image, and wasn't really sure why I suddenly pictured this and wasn't really happy about it suddenly lodging itself in my head." Adrian. 08/09/2001

I know what this was. It was seeing me and John together. And knowing what I do now about how adrian felt about me, and how this has all affected him this must have been really tough. Both tough at the time, but in some ways even more so going round his head later too. I do wonder why he came looking when he knew what he would see though ? Why punish himself in that way ? Why do humans seem to enjoy putting ourselves through misery at times ? Wether it be watching a horror film, inflicting physical pain, roller coaster ride ... and so on. We have many "pleasure" activities that are based on fear, and more that involve putting your body through some serious tests.

I do think that the legal system is screwed up at times, worrying about whether a burglar will get hurt if he is climbing over your fence ?! Surely the burglar should not be there in the first place, and therefore if he gets hurt its their own fault !

"A man who put a mixture of barbed and razor wire on top of the fence round his 93-year-old mother's home - to protect her from intruders - has been ordered to take it down. Northampton Borough Council said it was a danger to the public. Burt Barber, 61, of Northampton, spent £450 on the wire after his mother Ruby suffered four break-ins at her sheltered accommodation in Ryehill." ITN News. 09/08/2001

Click here for full story

As some of you may or may not know over the last 2 weeks my friend Adrian, has been writing rather a lot about me, or to be fair rather a lot about how I have made him feel in his blogs on his site. This has evoked very mixed reactions in me, and is an interesting situation. He had told me that after certain incidents that occured he wanted space from me, to get his head around it and sort himself out. Now I can understand this, and was trying hard to respect it, but when every day I am seeing what he has written about me that makes it very hard. I know, I know I should have just stopped reading his diaries and left him alone. But the thing is you see, and this is what most of his friends dont seem to realise, I care about him and I worry about him. At least by reading what he was feeling I felt I was in some way reaching out to him. But then I had the dilemma of what did I do when I didnt like what I read, and wanted to respond ? First I called, and ensued long conversations which didnt really acheive anything. Then I realised I wanted to reach out to him, but also to the others reading his diaries in some way, so I entered an entry in his guestbook. Now this caused more trouble, which I never intended. A fair few personal insults to me which were definitely un called for, and more upset to me and adrian.

The saddest thing out of all this is that I have lost a good friend because of a few error of judgements due to getting carried away . Partly influenced by drink, a little of other things, and the whole atmosphere and enviroment that we were in, but at the end of the day I knew what I was doing and should have been more considerate, and take full responsibility for that. But then dont we all make mistakes at times ? Can anyone put their hand on their heart and say they have never treated another person badly , whether maliciously or not ? So as I was saying, I have lost a friend, an intelligent, caring, great fun friend. But I will always have good memories of time we had together, and I hope he will too.

Inside my head is a scary place I shall warn you now, reader. Inside my head combined with the scariness of the internet itself is getting pretty dangerous, but I am going to give it a go.

Interestingly enough this was inspired by the very same thing almost disgusting me in the way someone laid themselves and in the process part of me bare and open to all who were reading his own blog posts. Maybe it is a case of if you cant beat em, join em. I am still not quite sure. Or maybe I am trying to understand the psychology of this type of form of self expression. I am still working on that one.

For now, I shall introduce myself to you the reader, and then sign out. Bare Essentials:
Name: Lexy
DofB: 17th september 1976 (so soon to be 25 yrs)
Physical: 5'8", blonde, blue eyes, tattoos and piercings.
Nationality: English

Thats me for now.

Take Care all, Lexy.